By ETJ Life – helping PE-backed CEOs thrive in work and life.
A Nod Isn’t a Yes
You leave a conversation with your board or your boss feeling like you got a yes. Everyone was pleasant, heads were nodding, no one pushed back. Then nothing happens. If that pattern sounds familiar, it’s usually because you got acknowledgement, not alignment, and they are very different things.
Acknowledgement is someone hearing you and being agreeable in the moment. Alignment is someone actually signing up to a decision and acting on it. Mistaking the first for the second is what leaves capable CEOs frustrated, running the same conversation over and over and wondering why the plate looks full but nothing’s been eaten.
The way out is to make your ask instrumental. Instead of aiming for a good conversation, get clear on what you actually need from them to have the room to deliver for your team. Name it plainly. When you ask for a specific thing you need in order to execute, rather than for general agreement, it’s much harder to answer with a polite nod, and much easier for everyone to know whether you’re truly aligned.
And when a conversation keeps producing nothing, don’t just run it again louder. Give yourself a clear menu of moves. You can name the mismatch directly, you can say “I don’t need you to do anything, but so-and-so and I are going to settle this” and bring them a joint plan, or you can stop pushing upward and align the people beside you instead. Sometimes you simply have to pull the fire alarm, not because the building’s burning, but because it’s the one way to get everyone’s full attention on something that matters.
Teach the Board How to Work With You
The best time to shape the board relationship is early, before patterns set. In your first months, set the operating rhythm deliberately. Put a monthly financial review on the calendar, run a value-creation review that you drive, and show up with a point of view. When you set the cadence, the board learns they have a CEO leading the business, not a manager waiting to be managed.
It helps to remember what a good board is actually for. Its job is to remove obstacles for you, not to add more of them. The most useful thing a director can bring to a hard quarter isn’t more reports and tighter oversight, it’s a simple “where are you stuck, and how can I help?” You can invite that. Ask the board directly what they need, tell them plainly what’s in the way, and you turn oversight into partnership.
None of this is about managing perceptions. It’s about running the relationship with the same intention you run the business. Boards quietly respect the leader with the confidence to say “that’s the wrong thing to spend our time on, here’s what I actually need to get us unstuck.” Teach them how to work with you, and the relationship becomes one of your biggest advantages instead of a recurring source of friction.
ETJ Life is a community for CEOs in the Performance season. This perspective reflects ongoing member interactions and real leadership challenges in the seat.